Once more you have perfectly articulated so many truths about loss and grief. Thank you Michelle for putting out there what many of us have learned from major loss.
Thank you for this article. The statement that you can’t handle stress as well, really hit home with me. I was an excellent multitasker, who could handle a lot before my husband’s illness and death, now many times I feel so overwhelmed, I remind myself to give myself grace instead of beating myself up because I can’t handle as much as before.
So very true!
This is so spot on!! I lost my son to suicide 4 year this year. We need to break the stigma of how to grieve.
Thank you for writing this!
I lost my mom nearly one year ago and all of this, every expectation and reality was eerily accurate for me. Thank you for the sheer accuracy and sincerity.
Grieving my way,
I lost my mom nearly one year ago and all of this, every expectation and reality is eerily accurate for me. Thank you for the sheer accuracy and sincerity.
Grieving my way,
So very true. The “fog of grief” is something I still contend with—eight years after my husband’s death. Sometimes, the fog lifts but then it will come back. The second year was harder than the first. The shock protects you— ironically. The second year the shock is gone. Reality rushes in. It took another year to truly understand Bob wasn’t coming back. Thank you for explaining what this grief is like.
I am so happy to read this & can’t get over the many parallels our stories & beliefs have. I started a movement called “Loving Life after Loss” because I couldn’t find what I needed after my husband passed. All I talk about is how society’s expectations don’t equip us for dealing with our grief – at all!
I will reach out to you for an interview… I’d love to have you on my show #UpspiralGrief
Thank you for sharing your story!!
Thank you Michelle for your raw truths about grief. The statement, “If you lose a spouse, you are capable of loving what was and loving what is,” really resinated with me.
I lost my husband to suicide 8 yrs ago. I have remarried now, but think of my lost husband every day, while loving my new husband.
This is absolutely 100% correct. I lost my husband just about two years ago, and then the pandemic hit, leaving my young daughter and I to fend for ourselves for 14 months. Once the pandemic hit, it felt like everyone “forgot” that my husband had just died, and now that things are somewhat under control, it’s as if everyone expects me to already have some sort of “new life.”
There is a great book called, “It’s OK, that you’re not OK,” by Megan Devine, that discusses the lack of a “grief culture” in our society, and goes in to detail about much of what Michelle discussed above.
My father died 28 years ago and I still think about him from time to time. And very fondly. The memories do not go away.
We lost our youngest son 24 years ago at the age of 31. He was the main parent and raising his 6 year old daughter. We we honored to be ruled by the court to have here in our life and home. She lived with us unti she was 21 years old. She now has a beautiful six year old daughter who will never know her grandfather. Today, February 2 is his birthday. I lost my husband suddenly 7 years ago. We had been married 52 years and were soulmates. It’s as, if he breathed in and I breathed out. We were in separately. Both griefs are so different but yet so much alike. The words posted before touched my heart so deeply. I will never stop grieving but will live a good life for my family and continue to honor our son and my husband. It is not easy to do. My faith tells me I will be with them again one day. Thank you for additional help today, as I gathered so many “oks” that I certainly trying.🙏
This is so true! I have used this experience to talk about grief in all areas of my therapy practice. I lost my husband 27 months ago and I still find myself expecting to find him at home when I get home from a day of dealing with others’ traumas. The second year is worse and I realize that I was primarily in shock until relatively recently. Thanks for putting the word out there.
My first experience with grief was when my parents passed away in 2005/2006……..it took the better part of five years before I even started to feel normal again and yes, my mortality was at the forefront of my mind………..along with a nagging question, “Is this really all there is?” And if it is, this sucks!!! I remember walking through a parking lot one day and thinking, I wanted to scream at someone, anyone who might listen, “My parents died, I am lost, how can you just gone on living like nothing has happened?” Then my husband passed away in 2018 ……. and again, I felt the same things but on a large scale, I was so angry………..people avoided me, would not talk to me, would not say JIm’s name even when I told them to please talk about him. I heard so many “I am sorry” statements, I wanted to punch people, and he is in a better place, all the platitudes…….so YES, YES, YES, this article is so accurate ………….. it is shameful we live in a society that is so devoid of emotion. What I have taken away from my experience, I hug everyone, I say I love you, I say what I feel and I hope that all those who are not enlightened will someday discover the beauty of life, real beauty of life! As you have said in your article, because I have felt debilitating loss, I can also feel empowering happiness and I look for it everyday and in every situation. Thank you for your words, for writing down what needs to be put out in open.
I wish I had seen this article several years ago. My family gave me two weeks to grieve and then would not speak of my husband. That still hurts and is still true. It will not change in my family, but the article helped me to see many things.
Each death leaves us with its own unique experience. It cannot be the same because our relationships, our involvement, our understanding with our beloveds are not the same. And as we age, we gain perspective. So I have found that while I have gone from being immortal in my 30s to divinely mortal since my 60s, death has become part of life. Grieving is mostly painful, mostly dissimilar, definitely devastating, but not to be feared and not to be practiced on someone else’s terms.
Wow! I was certainly meant to see this today. My husband passed just this Christmas.12-25-2021. Things are definitely raw! I can relate to everything written above. 03-01-2022 would be 53yrs of marriage. He was diagnosed w/ spinal tumor our 3rd year of marriage and endured multiple surgeries and hospitalizations throughout the years, eventually becoming a quadriplegic. I took care of him for 40+ of those years, plus working and raising our 2 children. Now, all has come to a standstill and I am so lost and numb! Thank you for writing this and including others’ experiences. God bless you in your work. And now, I need to purchase your book!!
going to purchase your book.
I received this post from my niece. I started to read it during work one day last week but put it aside until I knew I could focus on what it had to say. Today I read it – on the 4th anniversary of losing my husband, suddenly and unexpectedly on Valentines Day in 2018. I nodded my head and sometimes let out an audible “Uh huh” or “Yup” to each myth and truth she articulated. I am grateful for this post, and I will share it with my 2 children. Makes me feel both heard and human at the same time. Thank you for writing this.
So much truth!