Have You Ever Had a Dark Night of the Soul?

Have you ever had a dark night of the soul?

I have.

I’ve had more than one.

That moment that feels like life can’t possibly get lower.

Most of the time, that moment has come after a devastating loss, and not just the physical loss of people I love but the profound loss of myself.

My first dark night of the soul was just two months before my late husband died.

I had lost myself to work, motherhood, and people-pleasing and being overwhelmed. I was out of shape and out of touch with my vitality, inner light, and love of myself.

Just about six weeks later, I would be widowed, and despite that deep dark hole, I found my way back to the sun with personal resolve, fitness, and getting back in touch with my inner fire for life.

I felt like I lived in the sun of my new relationship with myself for many years, and then it started to slip away from me again. Kids, two businesses, endless travel, stress, overwhelm, and a voice that seemed to get smaller and smaller.

The more I wrote, the more I opened myself up to criticism and hate from people determined to misunderstand me. I wasn’t ready to be a light for others when I was still learning to be a true light for myself. So, my inner fire dimmed and shrank.

I then entered challenges like health-related issues from my breast implants (removed several years ago), perimenopause, and the death of so many I loved in 2022. Slowly, my voice shrank, and my inner fire dimmed once again.

It’s interesting how the universe keeps repeating the same lessons until they are fully learned.

About two years ago, I started to, once again, take my light back by settling back into my fitness and educating myself on somatic forms of healing from all the loss I’d lived through.

It may be age, but I have stopped caring what people say or think about me. My journey has been complicated, like so many of us, but I don’t need to tell you my past to justice the way I live my life.

One of the things I’ve leaned into lately is that life is all about energy. When I work on myself, my energy improves, I shine bright for others, and I live with more intent and purpose.

I’m the only one who is responsible for my energy.

Other people can’t affect my energy unless I allow them to.

That’s easier said than done, but the more I lean into how I SHOW UP for me, the less anyone else can move the needle on my energy.

So, world, find YOUR light

Breathe it in.

Sit with it.

Enjoy its warmth.

Feel its power.

You do you.

Shine bright.

Good morning world,

Michelle